So this grasshopper goes in to a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Hey we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “Oh yeah? Why would anyone name a drink ‘Bob’?”

Fast Drinker

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?” The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and ... Read More

Three Vampires Walk into a Bar

Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they’ll have. The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) “I’ll have a glass of O Positive.” The second vampire says, “I’ll have a glass of AB Negative.” The third vampire says, “I’m the designated driver. I’ll just have a ... Read More

Watch Your Mouth

A man walks into a bar and asks for “Two drinks. One for me and one for my best buddy here.” “You want both drinks now?” the bartender asks. “Or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives before pouring his?” “Oh, I want them both now. I’ve got my best buddy in ... Read More

The Self-Conscious Pirate

A pirate captain walks into a bar with his first mate and they sit down at the bar. Now, the pirate captain has been a little down on his luck in the world of women, know what I mean? His first mate notices some lovely piratical wenches across the bar. “Arr, cap’n, you should go ... Read More

The Cowboy’s Horse

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen. He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking ... Read More