A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He asks the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Yes, we do!” “Good. Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my alligator.”

Panda in a Bar

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a drink and some peanuts. After eating some nuts, he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, “HEY! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!!” The panda turns around and yells “Yes I can. Look me ... Read More

Bar Wars

The Star Wars text crawl walks into a bar. “Get outta my pub!” the bartender yells. “We don’t serve your type here.” Luke walks into the Mos Eisley cantina, cradling a slab of dirt in his arms. “What’ll it be?” asks the barman. “A pint for me, and one for the road.” The Death Star’s ... Read More

Bar Accents

I was in a London pub on Saturday night. I’d had a few drinks when I noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents, so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?” One of them turned to me and screamed, “It’s WALES, you idiot!” So I immediately apologized, ... Read More

A Punny Musical Story

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not ... Read More

A Giraffe?

This fellow and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s that lyin’ there?” The fellow says, “That’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe!”

Skeleton in a Bar

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer and a mop.”

A Hot Dog Pfunny

A hot dog walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve food here.”

Bear in a Bar

A bear walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer…………………. and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”