Mistakes on Resumes

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples: “My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.” “Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.” “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain ... Read More

Some Courtroom Quotes

* Lawyer to defendant: “Was that the same nose you broke as a child? * Lawyer : “I show you Exhibit three and ask you if you recognizethat picture.Witness: “That’s me.”Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?” * Lawyer: “Now, Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in hissleep, in most ... Read More

A Balloon Pfunny

A man flying in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. Reducing altitude, he spotted a man on the ground and descended to shouting range. “Excuse me,” he shouted. “Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him a half hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man ... Read More

Cards You’ll Never See in Hallmark

“Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?” “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. Afterhaving met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed inHell ... Read More

Help in Time of Need

A man is in bed with his wife when there is knocking on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock. It’s half past three in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” ... Read More

Shot Down in a Blaze of Glory

A photographer for a prominent national news magazine was assigned to get photos of a humongous forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. His editor made the arrangements, and assured him the plane would be started and ... Read More

Fun with Telemarketers

(Author and date unknown) One of the things that has always bugged me and I’m sure it has most of you too, is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them, as they ... Read More

Reading on Vacation

“What happened?” asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. “Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of ... Read More

Food, Family, and Philosophy

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. ... Read More

The Dangers of Casual Emailing

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on ... Read More