Health

Prolonging Life

by pfitz
An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him to cut out sex to prolong his life. He went home, and he and his wife discussed the matter at length, and decided that he should sleep in the ... Read More

Hospital News

by pfitz
A guy is in the hospital with two broken legs. The nurse comes in and tells him that there’s good news and bad news. The guy asks for the bad news first. The nurse says, “We’re going to have to remove your legs.” Then the guy asks for the good news. The nurse says, “The ... Read More

The Clerk and the Cougher

by pfitz
A high school student is working his first day in a pharmacy when he’s approached by a customer who asks for something to cure his cough. The boy hands him a box of laxatives, telling him to take them all at once. The man follows his orders, walks out of the drug store and leans ... Read More

The Distraction Cure for Hiccups

by pfitz
The Distraction Method for Curing Hiccups. It has long been known that hiccups often go away simply by being distracted. However, in more severe cases, more severe distraction may be called for. For this particular approach, find a swimsuit, a blindfold, a local exotic pet delivery service, and the tallest unfinished construction project in your ... Read More

Same Line of Work?

by pfitz
Morris, the loudmouth mechanic, was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc! Is dat you? Come on ova’ ... Read More

An Insurance Pfunny

by pfitz
National Health Insurance, Inc. ATTN: Claims Review PO Box 17342 New York, NY 12276 Dear Sir/Madam: I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident report form, I put “trying to do the job alone” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter ... Read More

Curing a Cold

by pfitz
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a ... Read More

New Doctor

by pfitz
You May Need A New Doctor If… ** During surgery he has to keep repeating that “thigh bone’s connected to the knee bone” song. ** The patient before you was a goat. ** The local bar association named him “client of the year.” ** All his Medical books are from the Time-Life “Do-it-Yourself Series”. ** ... Read More

A Creation Pfunny

by pfitz
In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.” And God said, “Let there be light” and there was light. And God said, “Let the earth ... Read More

Situation Ethics in Dieting

by pfitz
Cheaters Never Win and Winners Never Cheat But Sometimes on a Diet You GOT to Bend the Rules… “Minimizing Caloric Intake by Situational Combinations” If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t ... Read More