A guy is in the hospital with two broken legs. The nurse comes in and tells him that there’s good news and bad news. The guy asks for the bad news first. The nurse says, “We’re going to have to remove your legs.” Then the guy asks for the good news. The nurse says, “The […]
A high school student is working his first day in a pharmacy when he’s approached by a customer who asks for something to cure his cough. The boy hands him a box of laxatives, telling him to take them all at once. The man follows his orders, walks out of the drug store and leans […]
The Distraction Method for Curing Hiccups. It has long been known that hiccups often go away simply by being distracted. However, in more severe cases, more severe distraction may be called for. For this particular approach, find a swimsuit, a blindfold, a local exotic pet delivery service, and the tallest unfinished construction project in your […]
Morris, the loudmouth mechanic, was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc! Is dat you? Come on ova’ […]
National Health Insurance, Inc. ATTN: Claims Review PO Box 17342 New York, NY 12276 Dear Sir/Madam: I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident report form, I put “trying to do the job alone” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter […]
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a […]
You May Need A New Doctor If… ** During surgery he has to keep repeating that “thigh bone’s connected to the knee bone” song. ** The patient before you was a goat. ** The local bar association named him “client of the year.” ** All his Medical books are from the Time-Life “Do-it-Yourself Series”. ** […]
In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.” And God said, “Let there be light” and there was light. And God said, “Let the earth […]
Cheaters Never Win and Winners Never Cheat But Sometimes on a Diet You GOT to Bend the Rules… “Minimizing Caloric Intake by Situational Combinations” If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t […]
Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, ‘Hey, Moe!’ Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Dr. Moe Howard of “The Three Stooges ” who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard […]