Travel

Moose Hunting

by pfitz
Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska.They have a good hunt, and both manage to get a large moose. When theplane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals andsays, “This little plane won’t lift all of us, the equipment, andboth of those animals. You’ll have ... Read More

Shipwrecked

by pfitz
There were two men shipwrecked on this island. The minute they got on to the island one of them started screaming and yelling, “We’re going to die! We’re going to die! There’s no food! No water! We’re going to die!” The second man was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it ... Read More

Things You Don’t Want to Hear Over the Airplane PA System

by pfitz
1. (on an ocean-crossing flight) This is your Captain speaking, Ijust wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushionscan be used as flotation devices. 2. Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia.If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant andreceive an extra pack ... Read More

Mistletoe at the Airport

by pfitz
It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in ... Read More

Where You Live

by pfitz
YOU MIGHT LIVE IN CALIFORNIA IF: 1. You make over $250,000 a year and you still can’t afford to buy a house. 2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone. 3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 4. You know how to eat an artichoke. ... Read More

Shot Down in a Blaze of Glory

by pfitz
A photographer for a prominent national news magazine was assigned to get photos of a humongous forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. His editor made the arrangements, and assured him the plane would be started and ... Read More

Lost in the Desert

by pfitz
A man is lost in the Sahara desert. He used up the last of his water three days ago and he’s lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling, “Mush! Mush!” Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is again, closer this time — ... Read More

Free Parking

by pfitz
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. “Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce,” the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car ... Read More

Camping Tips

by pfitz
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes. Eating one can also keep your sleeping bag ... Read More

It’s SO Hot in Arizona…

by pfitz
It’s so hot in Arizona that… …the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground. …farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. …the cows are giving evaporated milk. …you can say 113 degrees without fainting. …you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth ... Read More