Quotes

Thoughts from George Carlin

by pfitz
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant a lot like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? OK…so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are ... Read More

Dog Quotes

by pfitz
“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” — Gene Hill “Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in thecar, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently atnothing right in your ear.” — Dave Barry “Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend; ... Read More

Some Humorous Quotes

by pfitz
“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.” – Matt Groening “With a stop light, green means ‘go’ and yellow means ’slow down’. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means ‘go’, green means ‘whoa, slow down’, ... Read More

Some Jewish Quotes

by pfitz
Here are some good quotes provided by some famous Jewish people. They’re not really about religion, but they do demonstrate the stereotypical Jewish perspective on life. – – – – – – – – – – – – “Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into ... Read More

Police Quotes

by pfitz
Here are some quote from police officers: “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” “So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?” “Yes ... Read More

Deep Thoughts

by pfitz
I can’t seem to find the source (maybe in a newspaper?), but a few years ago there was a contest for people to submit their own versions of “deep thoughts,” playing off the “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy” quotes from National Lampoon and Saturday Night Live. These are some of the submissions: HONORABLE MENTIONS: My ... Read More

Einstein Quotes

by pfitz
All these quotes are from Albert Einstein ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” “The must incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible.” “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” “Try not to become a man ... Read More

Jewish Quotes

by pfitz
“Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the only place in the Middle East that has no oil!” ~ Golda Meir – – – – – – – – – – – – “Bankruptcy is a legal ... Read More

Quotes from Smart Women

by pfitz
I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. -Dolly Parton You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong I want to have children, but ... Read More