Holidays

Christmas Letter from the Mother-in-Law

by pfitz
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don’t worry. I’m just fine considering I can’t breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I’ve sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I ... Read More

A Klingon Christmas Carol

by pfitz
A Christmas Carol from Worf, to the tune of “The Christmas Song”(“Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”): Phasers flashing in the depths of space,Ripping up an airtight hull;Signs of fear on your enemy’s face,And life support signs reading null!Ev’rybody knows a Romulan’s a spineless foeWho lacks the Klingon will to fight!Phaser beams set his torso ... Read More

Tough Letter to Santa

by pfitz
Little Johnny wanted a bike for Christmas. He started writing his letter to Santa: “Dear Santa, I promise to be a good boy and do my homework and clean my room if you…” Oh no, that was WAY too much to promise. He started again: “Dear Santa, Please send me a bicycle and I will ... Read More

Twas the Night before Christmas – Computer Programmers

by pfitz
PROGRAMMERS NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS Twas the night before implementation and all through the housenot a program was working, not even a browse.The programmers hung round their cubes in despairwith hopes that a miracle soon would be there. The users were nestled all snug in their bedswhile visions of inquiries danced in their heads.When out of ... Read More

Mistletoe at the Airport

by pfitz
It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in ... Read More

Christmas Gift Traditions

by pfitz
This supposedly is from a true story–I don’t recall the source. Thisbeats the stories of the same fruitcake(s) being given back and forthfor years…. Roy Collette and his brother-in-law have been exchanging the same pairof pants as a Christmas present for 11 years–and each time thepackage gets harder to open. This year the pants came ... Read More

Christmas Downsizing

by pfitz
Today’s global challenges require the North Pole to continue to lookfor better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, thefollowing economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days ofChristmas” subsidiary: The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out tobe the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hangingplant, ... Read More

Christmas in the Hood

by pfitz
Twas da night befo’ Christmas and all in the hoodNot a homie was stirring cuz it was all good.The tube socks was hung on the window silland we all had smiles up on our grill.Mookie and BeBe was snug in the cribin the back bedroom cuz that’s how we liveand moms in her do rag ... Read More

Holiday Tips

by pfitz
I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it’s the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. 1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts ... Read More