Holidays

Letter from Santa

by pfitz
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the southern United States on Christmas Eve. In fact, I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by the North American ... Read More

Holiday Merger

by pfitz
MAJOR HOLIDAY MERGER ANNOUNCED Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. While details were not ... Read More

Why Women Would Love Being Santa Claus

by pfitz
You’d never be expected to make the coffee. There’d be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the  office. You could grow a gut the size of Fat Albert’s and consider it a job requirement. One big black belt – accessorized for life! There’d be no reason to have your colors done. ... Read More

Christmas Party Memos

by pfitz
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 1 RE: Holiday Party I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We’ll have a small band playing ... Read More

Twas the Night Before Finals

by pfitz
by Andrew Hund, 1993 Twas the night before finals, and all through the college, The students were praying for last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds, While visions of essays danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, a few were still drinking, And hoping that liquor would loosen their ... Read More