pfitz

Sermon on Lying

by pfitz
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach aboutthe sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all toread Mark 17.” The following Sunday, the minister asked for a show of hands fromthose who read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled andsaid, “Mark has only ... Read More

The Debate

by pfitz
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had toleave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewishcommunity. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debatewith a member of the Jewish community; if the Jew won, the Jews couldstay; if the Pope won, ... Read More

Vocal Dyslexia

by pfitz
There is a disease terrible that strikes 10 out of 1 Americans 15every minutes. Vocal Dyslexia it’s called. An elment I’ve been lifingall my fight. It can warn without striking and has no regard forcase, read, or crolor. Symptoms:~ speechaled garb~ backs coming out wordward~ and an inability to sent a complete putence together The ... Read More

Theme Songs for Bible Characters

by pfitz
Noah: “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head” Adam and Eve: “Strangers in Paradise” Lazarus: “The Second Time Around” Esther: “I Feel Pretty” Job: “I’ve Got a Right to Sing the Blues” Moses: “The Wanderer” Jezebel: “The Lady is a Tramp” Samson: “Hair” Salome: “I Could Have Danced All Night” Daniel: “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” Joshua: ... Read More

A Sherlock Pfunny

by pfitz
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a goodmeal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went tosleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” ... Read More

Cards You’ll Never See in Hallmark

by pfitz
“Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?” “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. Afterhaving met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed inHell ... Read More

Some One-Liners

by pfitz
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ... Read More

Impressing the Boss

by pfitz
A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEOstanding in front of the company shredder with a piece of paper inhand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is very important, and my secretary’salready left. Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on,inserted the ... Read More

Things You Don’t Want to Hear Over the Airplane PA System

by pfitz
1. (on an ocean-crossing flight) This is your Captain speaking, Ijust wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushionscan be used as flotation devices. 2. Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia.If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant andreceive an extra pack ... Read More

Helpful Farmer

by pfitz
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some ... Read More