pfitz

Black November

by pfitz
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,And he told me there was something that I had to know;His look and his tone I will always remember,When he told me of the horrors of… Black ... Read More

Real World Laws

by pfitz
Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will. O’Toole’s Commentary on Murphy’s Law: Murphy was an incurable optimist. The Unspeakable Law: As soon as you mention something … if it’s good, it goes away; if it’s bad, it happens. The First Law of Theatre: Everything will take longer than it really should.The Second Law ... Read More

Strange But True Facts

by pfitz
* The Andy Griffth Show was the first spin-off in TV history. It wasa spin-off of the Danny Thomas Show. * Goat’s eyes have rectangular pupils. * Walt Disney’s autograph bears no resemblance to the famous Disneylogo. * Other than humans, black lemurs are the only primates that may haveblue eyes. * The United States ... Read More

A Small Town Pfunny

by pfitz
You Know You’re from Small Town if: ~ You can name everyone you graduated with.~ You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.~ You used to drag “main.”~ You said a cuss word and your parents knew within the hour.~ You schedule parties around the schedule ... Read More

Sermon on Lying

by pfitz
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach aboutthe sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all toread Mark 17.” The following Sunday, the minister asked for a show of hands fromthose who read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled andsaid, “Mark has only ... Read More

The Debate

by pfitz
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had toleave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewishcommunity. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debatewith a member of the Jewish community; if the Jew won, the Jews couldstay; if the Pope won, ... Read More

Vocal Dyslexia

by pfitz
There is a disease terrible that strikes 10 out of 1 Americans 15every minutes. Vocal Dyslexia it’s called. An elment I’ve been lifingall my fight. It can warn without striking and has no regard forcase, read, or crolor. Symptoms:~ speechaled garb~ backs coming out wordward~ and an inability to sent a complete putence together The ... Read More

Theme Songs for Bible Characters

by pfitz
Noah: “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head” Adam and Eve: “Strangers in Paradise” Lazarus: “The Second Time Around” Esther: “I Feel Pretty” Job: “I’ve Got a Right to Sing the Blues” Moses: “The Wanderer” Jezebel: “The Lady is a Tramp” Samson: “Hair” Salome: “I Could Have Danced All Night” Daniel: “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” Joshua: ... Read More

A Sherlock Pfunny

by pfitz
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a goodmeal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went tosleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” ... Read More

Cards You’ll Never See in Hallmark

by pfitz
“Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?” “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. Afterhaving met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed inHell ... Read More