pfitz

An Old Lady Pfunny

by pfitz
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few thingswhen he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing ofit, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkoutline, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you ... Read More

Strictly Business

by pfitz
One night a Suzanne found her husband standing over their baby’scrib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at thesleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions:disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, wonder, enchantment, concern… Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused,with eyes glistening she slipped her arm ... Read More

Children & Prayer

by pfitz
One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was “acting up” during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just ... Read More

Dog Quotes

by pfitz
“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” — Gene Hill “Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in thecar, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently atnothing right in your ear.” — Dave Barry “Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend; ... Read More

Not Too Bright

by pfitz
Synonomic Phraseologies: She’s bright as Alaska in December. He donated his body to scientists…Before he was done using it. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week. Go on! Give him a penny for his thoughts…you’ll get change back. She got into the gene pool while the lifeguards weren’t ... Read More

Mistakes on Resumes

by pfitz
How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples: “My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.” “Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.” “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain ... Read More

White Hair

by pfitz
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out, in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Mommy, why are some of your hairs white?” Her ... Read More

Daffynitions

by pfitz
~ Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it~ Allege: A rocky platform on a mountain~ Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s~ Arson: Our daughter’s brother~ Autobiography: A history of cars~ Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do~ Backward: Patient rooms at the rear ... Read More

Lipstick Prints

by pfitz
A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of theolder girls starting to use lipstick. When putting it on in theladies room they would then press their lips to the mirror and leavelip prints. Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gatheredall ... Read More

Strange but True Lawsuits

by pfitz
Many of us agree that our culture is lawsuit-happy and greedy. These lawsuits may be justified, but they certainly are strange. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> — A client has sued a dating service claiming he was introduced to the “wrong” women. Scott Solomon has filed a $2,000 lawsuit against Matchmaker International after being introduced to nine women. Solomon ... Read More