pfitz

Wise Sayings

by pfitz
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. Money can’t buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ... Read More

Shy Guy

by pfitz
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine’s Day night and sees abeautiful woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to herand asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I bought you a drink?” She responds by yelling, at the top of ... Read More

A Potato Story

by pfitz
You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato hadeyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a littlesweet potato, whom they called ‘Yam.’ Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they toldher about the facts of life. They warned her about going out ... Read More

Family Bible

by pfitz
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. “Momma, look what I ... Read More

If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft

by pfitz
Patron: Waiter!Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support.Waiter. What seems to be the problem?Patron: There’s a fly in my soup!Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time.Patron: No, it’s still there.Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.Patron: Even when ... Read More

Bar Animals

by pfitz
A scroungy looking fellow goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “No way; I don’t think you can pay for it.” The guy shrugs, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” The bartender says, “Only ... Read More

Jobs I’ve Tried

by pfitz
My first job was working in a juice factory,but I got canned . . . couldn’t concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack…I couldn’t hack it; they gave me the axe. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’tsuited for it. Mostly ’cause it was a so-so job. ... Read More

A Compliment Pfunny

by pfitz
Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player. The player was known primarily for his lack of IQ, common sense, and that he leaned toward the unattractive side ... Read More

Peke Guard Dog

by pfitz
Sam and George owned a store in the outskirts of San Francisco. It hadbeen burglarized several times in the past year and Sam decided to buya guard dog. Shopping for one, Sam found himself in Chinatown, at a pet store whosesign boasted, “The Best Guard Dogs That Money Will Buy.” He enteredthe store, but much ... Read More

Job Interview Phrases

by pfitz
Phrases for you to use in a job interview: “I’m extremely adept at all manner of office organization”means: I’ve used Microsoft Office. “I’m honest, hard-working and dependable”means: I pilfer office supplies. “I take pride in my work”means: I blame others for any mistakes. “I’m personable”means: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. “I ... Read More