pfitz

Jobs I’ve Tried

by pfitz
My first job was working in a juice factory,but I got canned . . . couldn’t concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack…I couldn’t hack it; they gave me the axe. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’tsuited for it. Mostly ’cause it was a so-so job. ... Read More

A Compliment Pfunny

by pfitz
Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player. The player was known primarily for his lack of IQ, common sense, and that he leaned toward the unattractive side ... Read More

Peke Guard Dog

by pfitz
Sam and George owned a store in the outskirts of San Francisco. It hadbeen burglarized several times in the past year and Sam decided to buya guard dog. Shopping for one, Sam found himself in Chinatown, at a pet store whosesign boasted, “The Best Guard Dogs That Money Will Buy.” He enteredthe store, but much ... Read More

Job Interview Phrases

by pfitz
Phrases for you to use in a job interview: “I’m extremely adept at all manner of office organization”means: I’ve used Microsoft Office. “I’m honest, hard-working and dependable”means: I pilfer office supplies. “I take pride in my work”means: I blame others for any mistakes. “I’m personable”means: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. “I ... Read More

An Old Lady Pfunny

by pfitz
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few thingswhen he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing ofit, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkoutline, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you ... Read More

Strictly Business

by pfitz
One night a Suzanne found her husband standing over their baby’scrib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at thesleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions:disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, wonder, enchantment, concern… Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused,with eyes glistening she slipped her arm ... Read More

Children & Prayer

by pfitz
One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was “acting up” during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just ... Read More

Dog Quotes

by pfitz
“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” — Gene Hill “Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in thecar, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently atnothing right in your ear.” — Dave Barry “Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend; ... Read More

Not Too Bright

by pfitz
Synonomic Phraseologies: She’s bright as Alaska in December. He donated his body to scientists…Before he was done using it. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week. Go on! Give him a penny for his thoughts…you’ll get change back. She got into the gene pool while the lifeguards weren’t ... Read More

Mistakes on Resumes

by pfitz
How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples: “My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.” “Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.” “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain ... Read More