Q: What can you jump over that’s a hundred feet in the air?
A: A dead centipede.
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Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet.
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Q: Why would you want to move to Switzerland?
A: Well, the flag is a big plus.
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A dad is washing the car with his son. After a while the son asks, “Could we use a sponge instead?”
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Q: Why do Amish women put green beans in glass jars?
A: Because they CAN!
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Q: How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
A: Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.
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Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
A: Dam!
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Q: What type of footwear prevents sneezing?
A: The bless-shoe.
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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.
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Q: Why did the skeleton NOT cross the road?
A: It didn’t have the guts.
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Q: What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
A: BA-NA-NA-NAAAA!
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Q: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
A: Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
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Q: What is a dentist’s favorite time of day?
A: Tooth-hurty
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Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and asks, “Do you smell fish?”
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If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
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A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry. We don’t serve food here.”
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Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.
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Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta!
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Q: Why was the mushroom invited to the party?
A: Because he was a fungi.
Q: But if he was such a fun guy, why wasn’t the party at his house?!
A: Because there wasn’t mushroom.
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Q: How does Darth Vader like his toast?
A: On the dark side.