pfitz

The Dangers of Casual Emailing

by pfitz
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on ... Read More

How to Catch a White Elephant

by pfitz
Go to any place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure ... Read More

Sith Lord Wanted

by pfitz
Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group. An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of, and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn. Duties ... Read More

Cemetery Scare

by pfitz
One dark night two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, ... Read More

A Can-Do Pfunny

by pfitz
Programmer to Team Leader: “We can’t do this proposed project. **CAN NOT** It will involve a major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to ... Read More

College Writing

by pfitz
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. “It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said. “Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.” The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?” “Yes, indeed,” ... Read More

Chili Cookoff Chronicles

by pfitz
These notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from Canada. This is tremendously funny Pfunny– especially if you read it aloud to a friend. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last ... Read More

Headlines from the Year 2029

by pfitz
– Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formerly California). – White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language. – Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. – Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped. – Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim ... Read More

Buying a Parrot

by pfitz
A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, “The parrot to the left costs $500.” “Why does that parrot cost so much?” the man wondered. The owner replied, “Well, it knows how to use a computer.” The man asked ... Read More