pfitz

An Important Language Announcement

by pfitz
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be ... Read More

It’s a Monk’s Life

by pfitz
In an ancient monastery, a new monk arrived to dedicate his life to God and to join the others copying ancient records. The first thing he noticed was that they were copying by hand books that had already been copied by hand. He had to speak up. “Forgive me, Father Justinian, but copying other copies ... Read More

Why God Never Received Tenure at Any University

by pfitz
1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was in Hebrew. 3. It had no references. 4. It wasn’t published in a referred journal. 5. Some doubt He wrote it by Himself. 6. He may have created the world, but what has he done since? 7. The scientific community can’t replicate His results. 8. ... Read More

Did You See That?

by pfitz
Did you see that? “No,” the second guy says. “Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead,” the first guy says. “Oh,” says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, “Did you see that?” “See what?” the second guy asks. “Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on ... Read More

Smart Dog

by pfitz
A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door. “An’ wot’s this then?” he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher’s shins. “You dumb dog.” As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices ... Read More

Airplane Riddles

by pfitz
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York City. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The tired blonde just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. ... Read More

Trojan Virus

by pfitz
Dearest Laocoon : I hate to break to you, but this is one of the oldest hoaxes there is. I’ve seen variants on this warning come through on other listservs, one involving some kind of fruit that was supposed to kill the people who ate it and one having to do with something called the ... Read More

Roger and Diane

by pfitz
A true story! Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Diane. He asks her out to a movie, she accepts, they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after ... Read More

Success without Email

by pfitz
What?! No E-mail?! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, “You will be employed at minimum wage. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I ... Read More

Letter from Santa

by pfitz
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the southern United States on Christmas Eve. In fact, I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by the North American ... Read More