pfitz

A B.O.O.K. Pfunny

by pfitz
Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device (BOOK). It’s a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It’s so easy to use even a child can operate it. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere–even sitting in an armchair by the fire–yet ... Read More

Ghost Indian

by pfitz
Two Ponca men were sitting out on a back road visiting. All at once there was a tapping on the window. “Ah Hoh! Hey guy! I think there is a ghost tapping on the window!” Sure enough a wizened face with long flowing white hair was there just out side the window. The Ponca man ... Read More

Holiday Wishes (Court Brief #876)

by pfitz
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions ... Read More

Top Ten Signs That You’re at a Bad Zoo

by pfitz
When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk. The ... Read More

The Self-Conscious Pirate

by pfitz
A pirate captain walks into a bar with his first mate and they sit down at the bar. Now, the pirate captain has been a little down on his luck in the world of women, know what I mean? His first mate notices some lovely piratical wenches across the bar. “Arr, cap’n, you should go ... Read More

True or False?

by pfitz
1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. 2. Alfred Hitchcock did not have a bellybutton. 3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs. 4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it’s from being indoors a lot more. 5. When you sneeze, all ... Read More

Cheer Up

by pfitz
HEY !!! Cheer up… * The parachute company says you’ll get a full refund. * They say the house didn’t float very far at all. * We’re all amazed that you go on living each day. * Well, at least the operation was a partial success. * The “National Enquirer” just loved those nude shots ... Read More

Feline Physics

by pfitz
Law of Cat Inertia – A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion – A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason ... Read More

The Cowboy’s Horse

by pfitz
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen. He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking ... Read More