In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.” And God said, “Let there be light” and there was light. And God said, “Let the earth […]
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a […]
· Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. · Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.” · Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards. · When your girlfriend really needed to talk to […]
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. […]
1. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red. 2. Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall. 3. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and […]
Having a bad day? Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hannifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was […]
A pirate captain walks into a bar with his first mate and they sit down at the bar. Now, the pirate captain has been a little down on his luck in the world of women, know what I mean? His first mate notices some lovely piratical wenches across the bar. “Arr, cap’n, you should go […]
A true story! Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Diane. He asks her out to a movie, she accepts, they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after […]
NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra, and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra, and Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Useless. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, […]
When the man came home, his wife was crying. “Your mother insulted me,” she sobbed. “My mother? How could she do that?” the man asked. She’s on vacation on the other side of the world!” “I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious.” “And?” “At […]