Music

Olaf the Norseman

by pfitz
Olaf the Norseman is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears.“What’s the matter?” asks Olaf.“Oh,” sobs the old lady. “I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets.”“No problem,” says ... Read More

The REAL 12 Days of Christmas

by pfitz
Miss Agnes McHolstein69 Cash AvenueBeaver Valley, Colorado December 14, 1994 Dearest John:I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift and such a lovely surprise!With deepest love and devotion,Agnes _______________________________________ Miss Agnes McHolstein69 Cash AvenueBeaver Valley, Colorado December 15, 1994 Dearest John:Today the ... Read More

Jazzing It Up

by pfitz
A vocalist to his keyboard player: “I’d like to do ‘My Funny Valentine’ again tonight, but can you think of a way to ‘jazz it up’?” Keyboard player replies, “Sure. We can do the first chorus in G minor, then modulate to G# minor for the second chorus, add a bar of 5/4 time just ... Read More

Musical Lightbulb-Changing

by pfitz
There are many websites that list jokes about musicians. Here are all lightbulb-related ones I could find on a variety of websites. How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb? One to hold the lightbulb while the world revolves around her. or Three. One to climb up the ladder, one to kick the ... Read More

Top Ten Reasons for Being a Bass

by pfitz
Top 10 Reasons for Being a Bass 10) You don’t have to tighten your shorts to reach your note. 9) You don’t have to worry about a woman stealing your job. 8) Or a pre-adolescent boy. 7) Action heroes are always Basses. That is, if they ever sang, they would sing bass. 6) You get ... Read More

Top Ten Reasons for Being a Tenor

by pfitz
Top 10 Reasons for Being a Tenor 10) Tenors get high — without drugs. 9) Name a musical where the Bass got the girl. 8) You can show the Sopranos how it SHOULD be sung. 7) Did you ever hear of anyone paying $1000 for a ticket to see “The Three Basses?” 6) Who needs ... Read More

Top Ten Reasons for Being an Alto

by pfitz
Top 10 Reasons for Being an Alto 10) You get really good at singing E flat. 9) You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures. 8) You don’t really need to warm up to sing 12 consecutive bars of E-flat. 7) If the choir really sucks, it’s unlikely the Altos will be ... Read More

Top Ten Reasons for Being a Soprano

by pfitz
Top 10 Reasons for Being a Soprano 10) The rest of the choir exists just to make you look good. 9) You can entertain your friends by breaking their wine glasses. 8) Can you name an opera where an Alto got the man? 7) When Sopranos want to sing in the shower, they know the ... Read More

A Punny Musical Story

by pfitz
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not ... Read More

Musical Terms

by pfitz
Here are some musical terms that are commonly misunderstood by Country-Western musicians with their translated “Country” (or redneck, if you prefer) definitions: 12-Tone Scale: The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailor truck with. A 440: The highway that runs around Nashville. Aeolian Mode: How you like Mama’s cherry pie. Altos: Not to be ... Read More