Lists

Cowboy Advice

by pfitz
Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction. Don’t squat with your spurs on. Don’t judge people by their relatives. Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. Talk slowly, think quickly. Don’t worry about ... Read More

Camping Tips

by pfitz
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes. Eating one can also keep your sleeping bag ... Read More

It’s SO Hot in Arizona…

by pfitz
It’s so hot in Arizona that… …the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground. …farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. …the cows are giving evaporated milk. …you can say 113 degrees without fainting. …you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth ... Read More

Top Ten Sayings of Biblical Mothers

by pfitz
10. Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don’t know where it’s been! (Judges 14:5-8) 9. David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons! 8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper! 7. ... Read More

Family Feud Answers

by pfitz
Here are some actual answers from contestants who have appeared on the game show Family Feud. Name something a blind person might use: a sword Name a song with ‘moon’ in the title: blue suede moon Name a bird with a long neck: a penguin Name an occupation where you need a torch: a burglar ... Read More

Epitaphs

by pfitz
Actual epitaphs from real tombstones: In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna. Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast Pardon me For not rising. Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the ... Read More

First Grade Proverbs

by pfitz
A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you. [Note: My 2nd grade teacher did the same thing back in the 1970’s and got the results published ... Read More

New Book Titles

by pfitz
Some New Book Releases: How to Write Big Books, by Warren Peace The Lion Attacked, by Claude Yarmoff The Art of Archery, by Beau N. Arrow Songs for Children, by Barbara Blacksheep Irish Heart Surgery, by Angie O’Plasty Desert Crossing, by I. Rhoda Camel School Truancy, by Marcus Absent I Was a Cloakroom Attendant, by ... Read More

A T-Shirt Pfunny

by pfitz
Top T-Shirts Seen Around Town ———————————– “Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “My Designated Driver Drove Me to Drink” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “I Yell Because I Care” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ... Read More

The Brick Theory of Management

by pfitz
How to place new employees in the right jobs for them: Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation: If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department. If ... Read More