pfitz

Trojan Virus

by pfitz
Dearest Laocoon : I hate to break to you, but this is one of the oldest hoaxes there is. I’ve seen variants on this warning come through on other listservs, one involving some kind of fruit that was supposed to kill the people who ate it and one having to do with something called the ... Read More

Roger and Diane

by pfitz
A true story! Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Diane. He asks her out to a movie, she accepts, they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after ... Read More

Success without Email

by pfitz
What?! No E-mail?! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, “You will be employed at minimum wage. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I ... Read More

Letter from Santa

by pfitz
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the southern United States on Christmas Eve. In fact, I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by the North American ... Read More

Top 10 Old Folks’ Party Games

by pfitz
10. Musical Recliners 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta 8. Hide and Go Pee 7. Simon Says Something Incoherent 6. Doc, Doc Goose 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over 4. Kick the Bucket 3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy 1. Sag, ... Read More

Holiday Merger

by pfitz
MAJOR HOLIDAY MERGER ANNOUNCED Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. While details were not ... Read More

Men and Women Compared

by pfitz
NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra, and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra, and Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Useless. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, ... Read More

Stained Glass

by pfitz
A minister tells of his first Sunday in a new parish and of presenting the children’s message. It seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the ... Read More

Why Women Would Love Being Santa Claus

by pfitz
You’d never be expected to make the coffee. There’d be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the  office. You could grow a gut the size of Fat Albert’s and consider it a job requirement. One big black belt – accessorized for life! There’d be no reason to have your colors done. ... Read More

Pillsbury Dough Boy Dead at 71

by pfitz
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and The Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours ... Read More