pfitz

Catching Chickens

by pfitz
They Almost Got Away! The farmer’s young son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had placed in his care, when all of a sudden he tripped and the box fell and broke wide open. Chickens took off in all directions, but the responsible young fella walked all over the ... Read More

Free Parking

by pfitz
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. “Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce,” the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car ... Read More

Camping Tips

by pfitz
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes. Eating one can also keep your sleeping bag ... Read More

Same Line of Work?

by pfitz
Morris, the loudmouth mechanic, was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc! Is dat you? Come on ova’ ... Read More

Some Marriage Pfunnies

by pfitz
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the husband replied, “In-laws.” <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> All men are idiots. And ... Read More

Special Occasion

by pfitz
Johnny’s mom taught him to read when he was just 4 years old. That was her first mistake. One day, he was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors under the sink was open. Johnny read the box in the cabinet. Quite curious, he asked his mother why she was keeping napkins ... Read More

It’s SO Hot in Arizona…

by pfitz
It’s so hot in Arizona that… …the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground. …farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. …the cows are giving evaporated milk. …you can say 113 degrees without fainting. …you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth ... Read More

An Insurance Pfunny

by pfitz
National Health Insurance, Inc. ATTN: Claims Review PO Box 17342 New York, NY 12276 Dear Sir/Madam: I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident report form, I put “trying to do the job alone” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter ... Read More

Curing a Cold

by pfitz
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a ... Read More

Bad Golfer

by pfitz
Joe: Why don’t you play golf with Bob any more? Mike: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card? Joe: No! Mike: Neither will Bob.