pfitz

Some Marriage Pfunnies

by pfitz
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the husband replied, “In-laws.” <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> All men are idiots. And ... Read More

Special Occasion

by pfitz
Johnny’s mom taught him to read when he was just 4 years old. That was her first mistake. One day, he was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors under the sink was open. Johnny read the box in the cabinet. Quite curious, he asked his mother why she was keeping napkins ... Read More

It’s SO Hot in Arizona…

by pfitz
It’s so hot in Arizona that… …the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground. …farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. …the cows are giving evaporated milk. …you can say 113 degrees without fainting. …you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth ... Read More

An Insurance Pfunny

by pfitz
National Health Insurance, Inc. ATTN: Claims Review PO Box 17342 New York, NY 12276 Dear Sir/Madam: I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident report form, I put “trying to do the job alone” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter ... Read More

Curing a Cold

by pfitz
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a ... Read More

Bad Golfer

by pfitz
Joe: Why don’t you play golf with Bob any more? Mike: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card? Joe: No! Mike: Neither will Bob.

A Pflying Pfunny

by pfitz
The jetliner was taking off from O’Hare. Shortly after it reached the cruising altitude, the captain began his normal welcoming remarks: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 4295, nonstop from Chicago to Newark. Our weather ahead is good and with the tail wind we anticipate a smooth and uneventful flight. ... Read More

New Doctor

by pfitz
You May Need A New Doctor If… ** During surgery he has to keep repeating that “thigh bone’s connected to the knee bone” song. ** The patient before you was a goat. ** The local bar association named him “client of the year.” ** All his Medical books are from the Time-Life “Do-it-Yourself Series”. ** ... Read More

Ugly Baby

by pfitz
A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically. He says, “Lady, that’s the ugliest kid I’ve ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid.” The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. ... Read More

The Suit

by pfitz
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. “Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!” “Do you mean that repulsive ... Read More