I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. -Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner
I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing ’em. -Sue Grafton
I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr
I think, therefore I’m single. -Lizz Winstead