Food

Newlywed Breakfast

by pfitz
A newly married couple returned from their honeymoon and the next day the bride woke up and decided to make her husband breakfast in bed. She brought him scrambled eggs, toast, and orange juice. While eating the breakfast, the man said, “It’s good, but it’s not like mother used to make.” So the next day she ... Read More

Fat Theology

by pfitz
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super size them.” ... Read More

The Dying Irish Nun

by pfitz
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift ... Read More

The Buddhist Monk and the Hot Dog Stand

by pfitz
Part I: A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says, “Make me one with everything”.   Part II: The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Excuse me, but where’s my ... Read More

Grandpa Forgot

by pfitz
My grandpa and grandma were sitting on their porch swing enjoying the nice evening breeze, when Grandpa lovingly leaned over and said, “Hey Ma, I’m gonna have some ice cream, would you like some?” “Yeah, Pa, but you’d better write it down or you’ll forget,” said Grandma. Grandpa replied, “I won’t forget.” “Alright then,” said ... Read More

The Eight Worst Convenience Foods

by pfitz
These are real foods, with the manufacturer names included in parentheses after the product names. Not my descriptions, but they’re still funny. And kinda queasy-making. 8. Meeter’s Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that’s sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed ... Read More

Waiter Question

by pfitz
A waiter approached the man studying the menu carefully at the fancy restaurant. “May I take your order, sir?” he asked. “Well, I was wondering how you prepare your chickens,” the man replied. “Oh, it’s nothing too special, sir,” the waiter confided. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

Some Perspective

by pfitz
Here’s something to give you little perspective: Pythagorean Theorem: 24 words The Lord’s Prayer: 66 words Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words The 10 Commandments: 179 words The Gettysburg Address: 286 words The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words

A Coffee Pfunny

by pfitz
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced ... Read More

A Hot Dog Pfunny

by pfitz
A hot dog walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve food here.”