pfitz

Let’s Play House

by pfitz
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Billy, want to play house?” He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” Sally replies, “I want you to communicate your feelings.” “Communicate my feelings?” said a bewildered Billy. “I have no ... Read More

Twins

by pfitz
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, ... Read More

Snow Chronicles

by pfitz
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our coffee and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! ... Read More

I Can Sell Anything

by pfitz
Sid Needham walked into an insurance office and asks for a job. “We don’t need anyone” the manager told him. “You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anything to anyone, anytime, anywhere!” “Well we have two prospects that none of our agents has been able to sell. If you can sell just ... Read More

Letter of Recommendation

by pfitz
Letter of Recommendation – While working with Mr. Xxxxxx, I have always found himworking studiously and sincerely at his table withoutgossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldomwastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he alwaysfinishes the given assignment in time. He is alwaysdeeply engrossed in his official work, and can never befound ... Read More

A Politically Correct Christmas

by pfitz
by Harvey Ehrlich, 1992 ‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…How to live in a world that’s politically correct?His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”.“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.And labor conditions at the North PoleWere alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,Released to ... Read More

A Star Trek: The Next Generation Christmas

by pfitz
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shipNot a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;The phasers were hung in the arm’ry securely,In hope that no aliens would get up that early. The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunksexcept for the few who were partying drunks;And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev ... Read More

Christmas Riddles

by pfitz
What do they call Santa’s helpers?Subordinate Clauses What do you call Santa Claus after he’s fallen into a fireplace?Krisp Kringle Who sings “Love Me Tender” and makes Christmas toys?Santa’s little Elvis Which of Santa’s reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?“Rude”olph What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?A cookie sheet What reindeer ... Read More

Twas the Night before Christmas – Scientifically

by pfitz
SCIENTIFICALLY EXPLAINED NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS ‘Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding theannual yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of thispotential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Musmusculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edgeof the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant ... Read More

The X(mas) Files

by pfitz
Mulder: We’re too late. It’s already been here. Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing. Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care. Scully: You really think someone’s been ... Read More