pfitz

Bragging Horses

by pfitz
Several racehorses are in a stable. One on them starts boasting about his track record. “Of my last 15 races,” he says, “I’ve won eight.” Another horse breaks in, ” Well I’ve won 19 of my last 27!” “That’s good, but I’ve taken 28 of 36, ” says another, flicking his tail. At this point, ... Read More

Big Bad Bart

by pfitz
It’s the time of the Old West. A citizen of the town comes running into the saloon and screams, “Big Bad Bart is coming! Big Bad Bart is coming! We gotta get outta town.” Everyone gets up in a hurry and takes off as fast as they can, including the saloonkeeper, who hops over the ... Read More

Sharing Everything

by pfitz
An elderly couple toddled into the local McDonalds and ordered one combo meal. The wife carefully cut the sandwich in two and began to eat her half. The husband respectfully sat and watched. The eating did not progress quickly, and soon the other customers began to notice. Finally one helpful person offered to buy the ... Read More

How to Spell Potato

by pfitz
The Right Way to Spell ‘Potato’ If  GH can stand for    P    as in    HiccoughIf  OUGH  stands for    O    as in    DoughIf  PHTH  stands for    T    as in    PhthisisIf  EIGH  stands for    A    as in    NeighbourIf  TTE   stands for    T    as ... Read More

Wrong Number

by pfitz
A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. “I’ve had mine for twenty years,” she pleaded. “Couldn’t you change yours?” The company refused, so she said, ... Read More

Prolonging Life

by pfitz
An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him to cut out sex to prolong his life. He went home, and he and his wife discussed the matter at length, and decided that he should sleep in the ... Read More

Pfunny Signs

by pfitz
In an office:TOILET OUT OF ORDER…… PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an ... Read More

More Puns

by pfitz
— Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. — Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive….” — A jumper cable walks into a ... Read More

The Wit and Wisdom of Homer J. Simpson

by pfitz
“Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.” “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.” “You couldn’t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.” “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out ... Read More