pfitz

A Pflying Pfunny

by pfitz
The jetliner was taking off from O’Hare. Shortly after it reached the cruising altitude, the captain began his normal welcoming remarks: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 4295, nonstop from Chicago to Newark. Our weather ahead is good and with the tail wind we anticipate a smooth and uneventful flight. ... Read More

New Doctor

by pfitz
You May Need A New Doctor If… ** During surgery he has to keep repeating that “thigh bone’s connected to the knee bone” song. ** The patient before you was a goat. ** The local bar association named him “client of the year.” ** All his Medical books are from the Time-Life “Do-it-Yourself Series”. ** ... Read More

Ugly Baby

by pfitz
A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically. He says, “Lady, that’s the ugliest kid I’ve ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid.” The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. ... Read More

The Suit

by pfitz
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. “Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!” “Do you mean that repulsive ... Read More

Wrong Bet

by pfitz
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. “I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, “Bring ... Read More

Frog Prince

by pfitz
A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.” The frog said, “That’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?” “No,” said the psychic. “Next term — in her biology class.

Top Ten Sayings of Biblical Mothers

by pfitz
10. Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don’t know where it’s been! (Judges 14:5-8) 9. David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons! 8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper! 7. ... Read More

Computer Class Prank

by pfitz
For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a ... Read More

A Creation Pfunny

by pfitz
In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.” And God said, “Let there be light” and there was light. And God said, “Let the earth ... Read More

The Volunteer Fire Department

by pfitz
A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that ... Read More