pfitz

Cowboy Advice

by pfitz
Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction. Don’t squat with your spurs on. Don’t judge people by their relatives. Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. Talk slowly, think quickly. Don’t worry about ... Read More

Waiter Question

by pfitz
A waiter approached the man studying the menu carefully at the fancy restaurant. “May I take your order, sir?” he asked. “Well, I was wondering how you prepare your chickens,” the man replied. “Oh, it’s nothing too special, sir,” the waiter confided. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

Einstein Quotes

by pfitz
All these quotes are from Albert Einstein ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” “The must incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible.” “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” “Try not to become a man ... Read More

Good Advice from Kids

by pfitz
“Never trust a dog to watch your food.” -Patrick, age 10 “When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ Don’t answer.” -Hannah, age 9 Never tell your Mom her diet’s not working.” -Michael, age 14 “Stay away from prunes.” -Randy, age 9 “Don’t pull Dad’s finger when he tells you to.” ... Read More

Some Perspective

by pfitz
Here’s something to give you little perspective: Pythagorean Theorem: 24 words The Lord’s Prayer: 66 words Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words The 10 Commandments: 179 words The Gettysburg Address: 286 words The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words

A Shipwrecked Pfunny

by pfitz
A man had been shipwrecked and stranded alone on a deserted island for 20 years. Just as he had lost all hope, he spotted a ship on the horizon. He quickly lit a signal fire and caught the ship’s attention. When the ship arrived at the island, the captain came ashore and noticed that the ... Read More

Union Blues

by pfitz
A fellow stopped at for gas and, after filling up, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The ... Read More

Ten Ways You Can Tell When Your Cow Has Mad Cow Disease

by pfitz
10) Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne. 9) She refuses to let you milk her, saying, “Not on a first date.” 8) Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears. 7) She gets silicone implants for her udders. 6) She appears on Oprah, ... Read More

A Strength Pfunny

by pfitz
The strong young man at the construction site was boasting that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of his ‘more mature’ co-workers. Finally, the older fella had had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I ... Read More

Humor in Uniform

by pfitz
Some stories from Reader’s Digest’s military humor column. Stationed overseas with the Air Force, my wife and I collected miniature statues. Two of our favorites were replicas of the “Winged Victory” and “Venus de Milo.” When we returned to the States and unpacked our boxes, our attention was drawn to the container holding our collection. ... Read More