pfitz
Baseball Humor
Two great buddies, Tommy and Fred, were two of the biggest baseball fans in the USA. Their entire adult lives, Tommy and Fred discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try ... Read More
Star Wars Riddles
Q: Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files? A: Adobe Wan Kenobi Q: Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating? A: Wookieleaks Q: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? A: To get to the Dark Side. Q: Why is Yoda such a good gardener? A: Because he has a green thumb. ... Read More
Cool Planes
An F-16 was refueling behind a KC-135 tanker and ragging on the tanker guys about how much cooler the F-16 was and how it could do so much better stuff. The tanker captain said, “Let’s have a contest to see who can do the coolest thing.” So the F-16 went off and did some crazy ... Read More
Police Quotes
Here are some quote from police officers: “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” “So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?” “Yes ... Read More
Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies
Here are some things you would never know without the movies: -It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting. -A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. -If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the ... Read More
Deep Thoughts
I can’t seem to find the source (maybe in a newspaper?), but a few years ago there was a contest for people to submit their own versions of “deep thoughts,” playing off the “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy” quotes from National Lampoon and Saturday Night Live. These are some of the submissions: HONORABLE MENTIONS: My ... Read More
Christmas in the Hood
Twas da night befo’ Christmas and all in the hoodNot a homie was stirring cuz it was all good.The tube socks was hung on the window silland we all had smiles up on our grill.Mookie and BeBe was snug in the cribin the back bedroom cuz that’s how we liveand moms in her do rag ... Read More
A Punny Musical Story
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not ... Read More
The Distraction Cure for Hiccups
The Distraction Method for Curing Hiccups. It has long been known that hiccups often go away simply by being distracted. However, in more severe cases, more severe distraction may be called for. For this particular approach, find a swimsuit, a blindfold, a local exotic pet delivery service, and the tallest unfinished construction project in your ... Read More