bar

Big Bad Bart

by pfitz
It’s the time of the Old West. A citizen of the town comes running into the saloon and screams, “Big Bad Bart is coming! Big Bad Bart is coming! We gotta get outta town.” Everyone gets up in a hurry and takes off as fast as they can, including the saloonkeeper, who hops over the ... Read More

Bar Competition

by pfitz
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the ... Read More

The Problems Start

by pfitz
A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before problems start!” Then the man orders another beer again, saying, “Give me a beer before problems start!” The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “When ... Read More

Weasel in a Bar

by pfitz
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Wow! In all my years tending bar, I’ve never had a weasel stop by. What can I get you?” “Pop,” goes the weasel.

Old West Dog

by pfitz
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He gives a mean look around the room as everyone gets quiet. Then he says, “I’m lookin’ for the man who shot my paw!”

An Anteater Pfunny

by pfitz
An anteater walks into a bar and says that he’d like a drink. “Okay,” says the bartender. “How about a beer?” “Noooooooooo,” replies the anteater. “Then how about a gin and tonic?” “Noooooooooo.” “A martini?” “Noooooooooo.” Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, “Hey, listen buddy, if you don’t mind me asking, why the long ... Read More

Lawyers

by pfitz
A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He asks the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Yes, we do!” “Good. Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my alligator.”

Panda in a Bar

by pfitz
A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a drink and some peanuts. After eating some nuts, he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, “HEY! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!!” The panda turns around and yells “Yes I can. Look me ... Read More

Bar Accents

by pfitz
I was in a London pub on Saturday night. I’d had a few drinks when I noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents, so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?” One of them turned to me and screamed, “It’s WALES, you idiot!” So I immediately apologized, ... Read More