Psychology

Shy Guy

by pfitz
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine’s Day night and sees abeautiful woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to herand asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I bought you a drink?” She responds by yelling, at the top of ... Read More

Not Much of a Man

by pfitz
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell’sAngels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old fella,pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat atthe counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into his coffee and took aseat at the ... Read More

Twins

by pfitz
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, ... Read More

Snow Chronicles

by pfitz
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our coffee and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! ... Read More

The Procrastinator’s Creed

by pfitz
Procrastinator’s Creed 1. I believe that if anything is worth doing it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion ... Read More

Gambling Grandpa

by pfitz
The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS ... Read More

Marx

by pfitz
A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside at a nudist colony. The history professor asked: “Have you read Marx?” The psychology professor replied: “Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.”

Oreo Personality Test

by pfitz
Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos: 1. The whole thing all at once 2. One bite at a time 3. Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards 4. ... Read More

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

by pfitz
SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do You Hear What We Hear? DEMENTIA: I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing about Me MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and… PARANOID: Santa ... Read More

The Brick Theory of Management

by pfitz
How to place new employees in the right jobs for them: Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation: If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department. If ... Read More