Lists

Wise Sayings

by pfitz
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. Money can’t buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ... Read More

Some Short Thoughts

by pfitz
All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat, though. If your feet smell and your nose runs, you’re built upside-down. Taxation WITH representation ain’t much fun either. I don’t have a license to kill but I do have a learner’s permit. He who dies with the most toys is still dead. I like cats too. ... Read More

Real World Laws

by pfitz
Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will. O’Toole’s Commentary on Murphy’s Law: Murphy was an incurable optimist. The Unspeakable Law: As soon as you mention something … if it’s good, it goes away; if it’s bad, it happens. The First Law of Theatre: Everything will take longer than it really should.The Second Law ... Read More

Murphy’s Other 15 Laws

by pfitz
Murphy’s Other 15 Laws (culled from many sources) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. ... Read More

Redneck Jedi

by pfitz
You might be a redneck jedi if: Your landspeeder has a bumper-sticker that reads “I break for Wookies!” Your lightsaber has been used to power a still. You’ve ever eaten roadkill bantha stew. You’ve made out with your sister and your dad wants to kill you. You use the force to help your mother win ... Read More

Important Farm Tips

by pfitz
Here are some tips that not only apply to farm life, but to almost any life. Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight and bull strong. Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. Life is ... Read More

Bad Day

by pfitz
“You Know It’s a Bad Day When…” The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard. You have an appointment in 10 minutes, and you just woke up. You open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: “WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!” You see a “60 Minutes news team” waiting in your ... Read More

Musical Terms

by pfitz
Here are some musical terms that are commonly misunderstood by Country-Western musicians with their translated “Country” (or redneck, if you prefer) definitions: 12-Tone Scale: The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailor truck with. A 440: The highway that runs around Nashville. Aeolian Mode: How you like Mama’s cherry pie. Altos: Not to be ... Read More

Memo from Accounting

by pfitz
TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING Much to our dismay, it has recently come to our attention that many of our employees have been turning in timesheets specifying an unusually large amount of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309). Within the Accounting Department, unproductive time isn’t a problem. However, what is a problem is not knowing exactly ... Read More

Signs You Need to Do the Laundry

by pfitz
Here are some signs you really need to do the laundry: You’re wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently. You’ve worn your sheets to school because you can’t get them off of you. Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie “Outbreak” to avoid ... Read More