Children

Some Mother’s Day Pfunnies

by pfitz
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Jimmy, come in or ... Read More

Priestly Assistance

by pfitz
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a small boy tying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the doorbell is just out of his reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across ... Read More

Kids in Church

by pfitz
A little girl became restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. “How do you know what to say?” he asked. “Why, ... Read More

Let’s Play House

by pfitz
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Billy, want to play house?” He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” Sally replies, “I want you to communicate your feelings.” “Communicate my feelings?” said a bewildered Billy. “I have no ... Read More

Twins

by pfitz
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, ... Read More

Things Moms Don’t Say

by pfitz
~ “How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?” ~ “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.” ~ “Just leave all the lights on… it makes the house look more cheery.” ~ “Let me smell that shirt. Yeah, it’s good for another week.” ~ “Go ahead and keep that ... Read More

Family Crisis

by pfitz
THE FAMILY CRISISCopyright 2002 W. Bruce Cameronhttp://www.wbrucecameron.com My wife is called out of town on a family emergency. I gather the children together–families, when confronted with a crisis, find that it draws them all closer. “We’ll all have to pitch in and help,” I proclaim solemnly. “I hate living here,” my older daughter fumes. I ... Read More

Tough Letter to Santa

by pfitz
Little Johnny wanted a bike for Christmas. He started writing his letter to Santa: “Dear Santa, I promise to be a good boy and do my homework and clean my room if you…” Oh no, that was WAY too much to promise. He started again: “Dear Santa, Please send me a bicycle and I will ... Read More

Abracadabra

by pfitz
During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. There was a moment of silence ... Read More

List of Rejected Children’s Books

by pfitz
You Are Different and That’s Bad The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence All Cats Go to Hell The ... Read More