Go Forth and Multiply

After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the animals to leave, he told the animals to “go forth and multiply.” All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the ark. “Why can’t you go forth and multiply?” demanded Noah. “We can’t,” ... Read More

Truisms about Cats and Dogs

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. An aquarium is just interactive television for cats. Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes. Cat’s motto: No ... Read More

Praying Dog

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to take over the service and went to talk to Bernie. “What are doing here with a dog?” “The dog came here to pray.” “Oh, come on,” ... Read More

The Old Navy Parrot

The old Navy Chief finally retired and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He took with him his life-long pet parrot. First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked loudly and said, “Reveille, Reveille. Up all hands. Heave out and trice up. The smoking lamp is lighted, now Reveille.” The old chief told the parrot, ... Read More

How to Catch a White Elephant

Go to any place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure ... Read More

Buying a Parrot

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, “The parrot to the left costs $500.” “Why does that parrot cost so much?” the man wondered. The owner replied, “Well, it knows how to use a computer.” The man asked ... Read More

Top Ten Signs That You’re at a Bad Zoo

When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk. The ... Read More

Feline Physics

Law of Cat Inertia – A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion – A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason ... Read More