Animals

Talking Dog

by pfitz
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. “This dog can speak English,” he claims to the unimpressed agent. “Okay, Sport,” the guy says to the dog, “what’s on the top of a house?” “Roof!” the dog replies. “Oh, come on,” the talent agent responds. “All dogs go ‘roof’.” “No, wait,” the ... Read More

Ten Ways You Can Tell When Your Cow Has Mad Cow Disease

by pfitz
10) Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne. 9) She refuses to let you milk her, saying, “Not on a first date.” 8) Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears. 7) She gets silicone implants for her udders. 6) She appears on Oprah, ... Read More

Catching Chickens

by pfitz
They Almost Got Away! The farmer’s young son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had placed in his care, when all of a sudden he tripped and the box fell and broke wide open. Chickens took off in all directions, but the responsible young fella walked all over the ... Read More

Frog Prince

by pfitz
A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.” The frog said, “That’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?” “No,” said the psychic. “Next term — in her biology class.

A Cat Tongue-Twister

by pfitz
See if you can do this. Read it out loud, as fast as possible without mistakes. (It’s supposedly one of Dr. Seuss’s lost tongue twisters. Yeah, right!) This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is sucker cat ... Read More

Bear in a Bar

by pfitz
A bear walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer…………………. and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

Grasshopper

by pfitz
So this grasshopper goes in to a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Hey we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “Oh yeah? Why would anyone name a drink ‘Bob’?”

French Rabbits

by pfitz
The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old ... Read More

A Frog Pfunny

by pfitz
A frog walks into a bank and asks the teller, “Who do I talk to about getting a loan?” The teller shows him to the office of the loans manager, Ms. Patricia Black. “I would like a loan of $20 to buy a new lily pad,” the frog tells her. “Do you have any collateral?” ... Read More