pfitz

White Hair

by pfitz
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out, in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Mommy, why are some of your hairs white?” Her ... Read More

Daffynitions

by pfitz
~ Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it~ Allege: A rocky platform on a mountain~ Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s~ Arson: Our daughter’s brother~ Autobiography: A history of cars~ Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do~ Backward: Patient rooms at the rear ... Read More

Lipstick Prints

by pfitz
A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of theolder girls starting to use lipstick. When putting it on in theladies room they would then press their lips to the mirror and leavelip prints. Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gatheredall ... Read More

Strange but True Lawsuits

by pfitz
Many of us agree that our culture is lawsuit-happy and greedy. These lawsuits may be justified, but they certainly are strange. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> — A client has sued a dating service claiming he was introduced to the “wrong” women. Scott Solomon has filed a $2,000 lawsuit against Matchmaker International after being introduced to nine women. Solomon ... Read More

Elementronics

by pfitz
The heaviest element known to science is Managerium. This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus composedof 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistantvice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going roundin circles. Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does notdecay but institutes a series ... Read More

Some Mother’s Day Pfunnies

by pfitz
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Jimmy, come in or ... Read More

Some Courtroom Quotes

by pfitz
* Lawyer to defendant: “Was that the same nose you broke as a child? * Lawyer : “I show you Exhibit three and ask you if you recognizethat picture.Witness: “That’s me.”Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?” * Lawyer: “Now, Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in hissleep, in most ... Read More

Lost Golf Ball

by pfitz
A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off thetee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to playthrough and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed theplan and waited for their friend. After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badlybeaten up. They ... Read More

Some Short Thoughts

by pfitz
All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat, though. If your feet smell and your nose runs, you’re built upside-down. Taxation WITH representation ain’t much fun either. I don’t have a license to kill but I do have a learner’s permit. He who dies with the most toys is still dead. I like cats too. ... Read More

A Tax Pfunny

by pfitz
The IRS sent me a letter last Friday. They audited my return anddenied two of my dependent deductions! I sent them the followingletter: Dear Sirs: I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of thethree dependents I claimed on my Federal Income Tax return. Thankyou. I have questioned whether these are my ... Read More