pfitz

The Brick Theory of Management

by pfitz
How to place new employees in the right jobs for them: Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation: If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department. If ... Read More

Caesar Salad Now Legal

by pfitz
Caesar Salad Now Legal! WASHINGTON, DC — California decriminalized the sale of Caesar salad this week — and it’s not a moment too soon, the Libertarian Party said today. “When you outlaw Caesar salad, only outlaws will eat Caesar salad,” noted the party’s Director of Communications, Bill Winter. “That’s why, on the issue of Caesar ... Read More

Top 10 Signs Your Co-Worker is a Computer Hacker

by pfitz
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000. 9. He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running. 8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex. 7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office computer network goes down. 6. Somehow gets HBO on his PC ... Read More

Halloween Party

by pfitz
This guy goes to a Halloween party with a girl on his back. “What the heck are you?” asks the host. “I’m a snail,” says the guy. “But… you have a girl on your back,” replies the host. “Yeah, he says, “that’s Michelle!”

Dark Sucker

by pfitz
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don’t emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light. First, the basis ... Read More

Pirate Insurance Claim

by pfitz
After many years at sea a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job he thought that he should collect on his workers compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he ... Read More

Get Well Message

by pfitz
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors performed the operation and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be from a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got ... Read More

Watch Your Mouth

by pfitz
A man walks into a bar and asks for “Two drinks. One for me and one for my best buddy here.” “You want both drinks now?” the bartender asks. “Or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives before pouring his?” “Oh, I want them both now. I’ve got my best buddy in ... Read More

Top Ten Things Only Women Understand

by pfitz
* 10. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes. * 9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white. * 8. Crying can be fun. * 7. FAT CLOTHES * 6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch. * 5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance ... Read More

Medical Chart Notes

by pfitz
Medical chart notes written by clever people Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She ... Read More