pfitz

Dark Sucker

by pfitz
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don’t emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light. First, the basis ... Read More

Pirate Insurance Claim

by pfitz
After many years at sea a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job he thought that he should collect on his workers compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he ... Read More

Get Well Message

by pfitz
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors performed the operation and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be from a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got ... Read More

Watch Your Mouth

by pfitz
A man walks into a bar and asks for “Two drinks. One for me and one for my best buddy here.” “You want both drinks now?” the bartender asks. “Or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives before pouring his?” “Oh, I want them both now. I’ve got my best buddy in ... Read More

Top Ten Things Only Women Understand

by pfitz
* 10. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes. * 9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white. * 8. Crying can be fun. * 7. FAT CLOTHES * 6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch. * 5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance ... Read More

Medical Chart Notes

by pfitz
Medical chart notes written by clever people Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She ... Read More

The Dangers of Casual Emailing

by pfitz
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on ... Read More

How to Catch a White Elephant

by pfitz
Go to any place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure ... Read More

Sith Lord Wanted

by pfitz
Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group. An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of, and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn. Duties ... Read More