pfitz

Top Ten Reasons for Being a Soprano

by pfitz
Top 10 Reasons for Being a Soprano 10) The rest of the choir exists just to make you look good. 9) You can entertain your friends by breaking their wine glasses. 8) Can you name an opera where an Alto got the man? 7) When Sopranos want to sing in the shower, they know the ... Read More

An Elderly Pfunny

by pfitz
Three elderly ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on ... Read More

Bad Day

by pfitz
“You Know It’s a Bad Day When…” The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard. You have an appointment in 10 minutes, and you just woke up. You open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: “WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!” You see a “60 Minutes news team” waiting in your ... Read More

An Army Pfunny

by pfitz
A drill sergeant had just chewed out a new recruit. At the end of his rant he said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.” The kid said, “Not me, Sarge. I promised myself that when I got out of the Army, I’d never stand in another line.”

Some Tough Questions

by pfitz
If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter? Is it okay to use the AM radio after noon? What do chickens think we taste like? What do people in China call their good plates? What do you call a male ladybug? Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes? ... Read More

Bar Accents

by pfitz
I was in a London pub on Saturday night. I’d had a few drinks when I noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents, so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?” One of them turned to me and screamed, “It’s WALES, you idiot!” So I immediately apologized, ... Read More

Baseball Humor

by pfitz
Two great buddies, Tommy and Fred, were two of the biggest baseball fans in the USA. Their entire adult lives, Tommy and Fred discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try ... Read More

Star Wars Riddles

by pfitz
Q: Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files? A: Adobe Wan Kenobi Q: Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating? A: Wookieleaks Q: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? A: To get to the Dark Side. Q: Why is Yoda such a good gardener? A: Because he has a green thumb. ... Read More

Cool Planes

by pfitz
An F-16 was refueling behind a KC-135 tanker and ragging on the tanker guys about how much cooler the F-16 was and how it could do so much better stuff. The tanker captain said, “Let’s have a contest to see who can do the coolest thing.” So the F-16 went off and did some crazy ... Read More