Walking into a Bar

Dinner with Dogs

by pfitz
There were two buddies one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” The buddy with ... Read More

Gorilla in a Bar

by pfitz
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill. The bartender thinks to himself, “This gorilla doesn’t know the prices of drinks,” and gives him 15 cents change. The bartender says, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.” The ... Read More

Big Bad Bart

by pfitz
It’s the time of the Old West. A citizen of the town comes running into the saloon and screams, “Big Bad Bart is coming! Big Bad Bart is coming! We gotta get outta town.” Everyone gets up in a hurry and takes off as fast as they can, including the saloonkeeper, who hops over the ... Read More

The Problems Start

by pfitz
A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before problems start!” Then the man orders another beer again, saying, “Give me a beer before problems start!” The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “When ... Read More

Bear Walks into a Bar

by pfitz
A bear walks in to a bar and says, “I’ll have a gin and… tonic.”The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”The bear looks down for a second and says, “I don’t know, I guess I was just born this way.”

Bar Animals

by pfitz
A scroungy looking fellow goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “No way; I don’t think you can pay for it.” The guy shrugs, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” The bartender says, “Only ... Read More

Three Irish Brothers

by pfitz
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after ... Read More

Two Wishes

by pfitz
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be ... Read More

Grammar Bar

by pfitz
A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly. A bar was walked into by the passive voice. An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening. Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.” A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all ... Read More

Weasel in a Bar

by pfitz
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Wow! In all my years tending bar, I’ve never had a weasel stop by. What can I get you?” “Pop,” goes the weasel.