Things Moms Don’t Say

~ “How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?” ~ “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.” ~ “Just leave all the lights on… it makes the house look more cheery.” ~ “Let me smell that shirt. Yeah, it’s good for another week.” ~ “Go ahead and keep that […]

Family Crisis

THE FAMILY CRISISCopyright 2002 W. Bruce Cameronhttp://www.wbrucecameron.com My wife is called out of town on a family emergency. I gather the children together–families, when confronted with a crisis, find that it draws them all closer. “We’ll all have to pitch in and help,” I proclaim solemnly. “I hate living here,” my older daughter fumes. I […]

Tough Letter to Santa

Little Johnny wanted a bike for Christmas. He started writing his letter to Santa: “Dear Santa, I promise to be a good boy and do my homework and clean my room if you…” Oh no, that was WAY too much to promise. He started again: “Dear Santa, Please send me a bicycle and I will […]

Abracadabra

During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. There was a moment of silence […]

List of Rejected Children’s Books

You Are Different and That’s Bad The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence All Cats Go to Hell The […]

What’s in a Name?

So an Indian chief was with his young son, who asked: “Father, how did I get my name?” “Well, my child, when your older brother was born, I looked out of the tepee and saw a flying eagle, so I called him Flying Eagle. When your sister was born, I looked outside and saw a […]

Good Advice from Kids

“Never trust a dog to watch your food.” -Patrick, age 10 “When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ Don’t answer.” -Hannah, age 9 Never tell your Mom her diet’s not working.” -Michael, age 14 “Stay away from prunes.” -Randy, age 9 “Don’t pull Dad’s finger when he tells you to.” […]

Special Occasion

Johnny’s mom taught him to read when he was just 4 years old. That was her first mistake. One day, he was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors under the sink was open. Johnny read the box in the cabinet. Quite curious, he asked his mother why she was keeping napkins […]

Ugly Baby

A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically. He says, “Lady, that’s the ugliest kid I’ve ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid.” The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. […]

A Coffee Pfunny

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced […]