Food

Telephone Conversation

by pfitz
Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension). This was nominated “best email of 1997.” The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review. Room Service (RS): “Morny. Ruin sorbees.” Guest (G): “Sorry, I ... Read More

French Rabbits

by pfitz
The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old ... Read More

Situation Ethics in Dieting

by pfitz
Cheaters Never Win and Winners Never Cheat But Sometimes on a Diet You GOT to Bend the Rules… “Minimizing Caloric Intake by Situational Combinations” If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t ... Read More

Holiday Tips

by pfitz
I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it’s the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. 1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts ... Read More

Potato Puns

by pfitz
Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead. How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad. Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commontater. Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop. What ... Read More

Oreo Personality Test

by pfitz
Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos: 1. The whole thing all at once 2. One bite at a time 3. Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards 4. ... Read More

Twinkies

by pfitz
In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, I subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments: Exposure A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across ... Read More

Chili Cookoff Chronicles

by pfitz
These notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from Canada. This is tremendously funny Pfunny– especially if you read it aloud to a friend. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last ... Read More

Pillsbury Dough Boy Dead at 71

by pfitz
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and The Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours ... Read More