pfitz

Some Pirate Riddles

by pfitz
Why didn’t the pirate get hungry when he was left on a desert island? Because of all the sand which is there! C00008==============> How do pirates know when they are about to be attacked? They watch Sea-span! C00008==============> I don’t know if you’ve heard about this new Pirate corn they’ve got now. I guess it’s ... Read More

An Evil Overlord Pfunny

by pfitz
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks, and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I’ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that no matter whether they ... Read More

An American in London

by pfitz
An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator. The portière looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted. “You must mean the lift,” he said. “No,” the American responded. “If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator.” “Well,” the portière answered, “over here we ... Read More

A T-Shirt Pfunny

by pfitz
Top T-Shirts Seen Around Town ———————————– “Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “My Designated Driver Drove Me to Drink” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “I Yell Because I Care” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ... Read More

Country Song Titles

by pfitz
Readers of a New York magazine were asked to invent country-song titles. Here are some entries: – Ain’t No Trash In My Trailer Since The Night I Threw You Out – You Wanted To Get Hitched, But My Heart Is Filled With Whoa – Baked My Sweetie A Pie, But He Left With A Tart ... Read More

Extreme Rednecks

by pfitz
You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. Someone in your family ... Read More

Halloween Rules

by pfitz
=> When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it’s really dead. => Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. => Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out. => If your children speak to you in Latin or ... Read More

Three Vampires Walk into a Bar

by pfitz
Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they’ll have. The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) “I’ll have a glass of O Positive.” The second vampire says, “I’ll have a glass of AB Negative.” The third vampire says, “I’m the designated driver. I’ll just have a ... Read More

Oreo Personality Test

by pfitz
Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos: 1. The whole thing all at once 2. One bite at a time 3. Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards 4. ... Read More

Rules for Women

by pfitz
1. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red. 2. Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall. 3. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and ... Read More