pfitz

Birthday Tradition

by pfitz
A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink. So when Lars’ 21st came around, he and ... Read More

Whose Money?

by pfitz
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this! I am a United States congressman!” “In that case,” replied the mugger, “give me MY money!”

Baby Power

by pfitz
Hello, my name is Quinn, and I’m nine months old. This is powerful advice for all you babies out there. Parents, please leave now, or you will be punished. Okay, now that the minions are gone, let’s get down to business. Do you feel like you have no control over your life? Do your mommy ... Read More

Top 10 Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

by pfitz
10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows) 9. Dragging out boxes that haven’t been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights) 8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores 7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for “specials” 6. Family coming to stay with you 5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling 4. Buying food you don’t normally ... Read More

The Three Pigs

by pfitz
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, “And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full ... Read More

Pig Jokes

by pfitz
What do you call a pig that knows karate?Pork chop! What do you call a pig that loves to paint?Pig-casso! How do pigs get to the hospital?In a hambulance! What do you call a pig with no legs?A groundhog! What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?Philanthropig! What do you ... Read More

God-Dog

by pfitz
What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do? Lays awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering if there is a Dog.

Mime Employment

by pfitz
One day an out-of-work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died ... Read More