Marx
A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside at a nudist colony. The history professor asked: “Have you read Marx?” The psychology professor replied: “Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.”
pfitz
The Buddhist Monk and the Hot Dog Stand
Part I: A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says, “Make me one with everythingâ€. Part II: The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Excuse me, but where’s my ... Read More
A Time Traveler Walks into a Bar
The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks into a bar.
Buying a Cat
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for ... Read More
Grandpa Forgot
My grandpa and grandma were sitting on their porch swing enjoying the nice evening breeze, when Grandpa lovingly leaned over and said, “Hey Ma, I’m gonna have some ice cream, would you like some?” “Yeah, Pa, but you’d better write it down or you’ll forget,” said Grandma. Grandpa replied, “I won’t forget.” “Alright then,” said ... Read More
Ghost Car
It was a dark and stormy night. A guy was driving in some mountains when his car broke down. He stopped it by a tree and walked down the highway looking for help. Some headlights started to approach him from behind. He turned back and noticed a car coming toward him very slowly. He walked ... Read More
Where You Live
YOU MIGHT LIVE IN CALIFORNIA IF: 1. You make over $250,000 a year and you still can’t afford to buy a house. 2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone. 3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 4. You know how to eat an artichoke. ... Read More
Driving Penguins
A motorcycle cop sees a guy in a station wagon loaded with penguins. The cop, sensing something suspicious, immediately pulls the station wagon over. “You can’t drive around with all those penguins,” he tells the man. “You need to take them to the zoo.” “Good idea,” replies the driver. The cop then lets him drive ... Read More
Lawyers
A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He asks the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Yes, we do!” “Good. Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my alligator.”
Panda in a Bar
A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a drink and some peanuts. After eating some nuts, he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, “HEY! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!!” The panda turns around and yells “Yes I can. Look me ... Read More