pfitz

The Dying Irish Nun

by pfitz
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift ... Read More

Abracadabra

by pfitz
During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. There was a moment of silence ... Read More

A Marriage Pfunny

by pfitz
Ayoung man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and ... Read More

What’s in a Name?

by pfitz
A young man called directory assistance. “Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.” “There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,” the operator replied. “Do you have a street name?” The young man hesitated, and then said, “Well, most people call me Ice Man.”

Marx

by pfitz
A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside at a nudist colony. The history professor asked: “Have you read Marx?” The psychology professor replied: “Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.”

The Buddhist Monk and the Hot Dog Stand

by pfitz
Part I: A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says, “Make me one with everything”.   Part II: The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Excuse me, but where’s my ... Read More

Buying a Cat

by pfitz
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for ... Read More

Grandpa Forgot

by pfitz
My grandpa and grandma were sitting on their porch swing enjoying the nice evening breeze, when Grandpa lovingly leaned over and said, “Hey Ma, I’m gonna have some ice cream, would you like some?” “Yeah, Pa, but you’d better write it down or you’ll forget,” said Grandma. Grandpa replied, “I won’t forget.” “Alright then,” said ... Read More

Ghost Car

by pfitz
It was a dark and stormy night. A guy was driving in some mountains when his car broke down. He stopped it by a tree and walked down the highway looking for help. Some headlights started to approach him from behind. He turned back and noticed a car coming toward him very slowly. He walked ... Read More