This was taken from the Dilbert Newsletter of August 29, 2003. It’s great for reading out loud to a friend.
You’ve probably heard the old saying, “She screamed like a banshee.” I didn’t learn much about banshees in school but I deduce that they are dead people who scream loudly. That seems unpleasant enough. But lately I have been learning more about the bad qualities of banshees. I’ve overheard these nuggets from people who apparently have detailed banshee knowledge:
“I had to pee like a banshee.”
“My head hurt like a banshee.”
“I was sweating like a banshee.”
It’s no wonder that banshees are rarely invited to parties. No one wants to hang around with a screaming, peeing, sweating, dead person with a headache, especially if beer is involved.
I’ve also learned recently that “ironic” means anything you want it to mean. Example:
Me: “I heard that Bob was killed by a meteor.”
Induhvidual: “Wow. That’s ironic.”
Me: “Why is it ironic? Was he an astronomer?”
Induhvidual: “No, it’s ironic because, you know, what are the odds?”
Me: “So anything unlikely is automatically ironic?”
Induhvidual: “No, it also needs to be bad.”
Me: “This conversation is ironic.”
Induhvidual: “Shut up! You’re making me pee like a banshee!”