Animals

Dinner with Dogs

by pfitz
There were two buddies one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” The buddy with ... Read More

The Three Pigs

by pfitz
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, “And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full ... Read More

God-Dog

by pfitz
What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do? Lays awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering if there is a Dog.

Bragging Horses

by pfitz
Several racehorses are in a stable. One on them starts boasting about his track record. “Of my last 15 races,” he says, “I’ve won eight.” Another horse breaks in, ” Well I’ve won 19 of my last 27!” “That’s good, but I’ve taken 28 of 36, ” says another, flicking his tail. At this point, ... Read More

Things a Dog Must Remember

by pfitz
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even though I haven’t got a chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake ... Read More

Talking Dog

by pfitz
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. “This dog can speak English,” he claims to the unimpressed agent. “Okay, Sport,” the guys says to the dog, “what’s on the top of a house?” “Roof!” the dog replies. “Oh, come on…” the talent agent responds. “All dogs go ‘roof’.” “No, ... Read More

Dog Wisdom

by pfitz
1) The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous 2) Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. -Ann Landers 3) If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will ... Read More

Cowisms

by pfitz
FEUDALISMYou have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISMYou have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISMYou have two cows. The ... Read More

How Many Dogs?

by pfitz
How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining. The day is young. We’ve got ourwhole lives ahead of us. And you’re inside worrying about a stupid,burned-out light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. Not only that, but I’ll replace any wiringthat’s not up to code. Dachshund: I can’t ... Read More

Heavenly Horse

by pfitz
A man has been lost and walking in the desert for about five days.One hot day–actually, they’re all hot–he comes to the home of apreacher. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses onthe doorstep. The preacher takes him in and nurses him back tohealth. Feeling better, the man asks the preacher ... Read More