Here is a collection of freshman history bloopers collected by a
Canadian history professor (Anders Henrickson) over the years:
During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state
were cooperatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords and
surfs. It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid
out on a table before us, ready for dissection.
After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeoed into Europe,
merchants appeared. Some were sitters and some were drifters. They
roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organized big fairies
in the countryside.
Mideval people were violent. Murder during this Period was nothing.
Everybody killed someone. England fought numerously for land in France
and ended up wining and losing. The Crusades were a series of military
expaditions made by Christians seeking to free the holy land (the
“Home Town” of Christ) from the Islams.
In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular. A class of
yeowls arose. Finally Europe caught the Black Death. The bubonic
plague is a social disease in the sense that it can be transmitted by
intercourse and other etceteras. It was spread from port to port by
infected rats. Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks.
The plague also helped the emergance of the English language as the
national language of England, France and Italy.
The Middle Ages slimpared to a halt. The renasence bolted in from the
blue. Life reeked with joy. Italy became robust, and more individuals
felt the value of their human being. Italy, of course, was much closer
to the rest of the world thanks to Northern Europe. Man was determined
to civilise himself and his brothers, even if heads had to roll! It
became sheik to be educated. Art was on a more associated level.
Europe was full of incredable churches with great art bulging out of
their doors. Renaissance merchants were beautiful and almost lifelike.
The Reformnation happened when German nobles resented the idea that
tithes were going to Papal France or the Pope, thus enriching Catholic
coiffures. Traditions had become oppressive so they too were crushed
in the wake of man’s quest for ressurection above the not-just-social
beast he had become. An angry Martin Luther nailed 95 theocrats to a
church door. Theologically, Luthar was into reorientation mutation.
Calvinism was the most convenient religion since the days of the
ancients. Anabaptist services tended to be migratory. The Popes, of
course, were usually Catholic. Monks went right on seeing themselves
as worms. The last Jesuit priest died in the 19th century.
After the refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal. If the
Spanish could gain the Netherlands they would have a stronghold
throughout northern Europe which would include their posetions in
Italy, Burgundy, central Europe and India thus serrounding France. The
German Emperor’s lower passage was blocked by the French for years and
years.
Louise XIV became King of the Sun. He gave the people food and
artillery. If he didn’t like someone, he sent them to the gallows to
row for the rest of their lives. Vauban was the royal minister of
flirtation. In Russia the 17th century was known as the time of the
bounding of the serfs. Russian nobles wore clothes only to humour
Peter the Great. Peter filled his goverment with accidental people and
built a new capital near the European boarder. Orthodox priests became
government antennae.
The enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare wrote a book called
Candy that got him into trouble with Frederick the Great. Philosophers
were unknown as yet, and the fundamental stake was one of religious
toleration slightly confused with defeatism. France was in a serious
state. Taxation was a great drain on the state budget. The French
revolution was accomplished before it happened. The revolution evolved
through republican and tolarian phases until it catapulted into
Napolean. Napoleon was ill with bladder problems and was very tense
and unrestrained.
History, a record of things left behind by past generations, started
in 1815. Throughout the comparatively radical years 1815-1870 the
western European continent was undergoing a Rampant period of economic
modification. Industrialisation was precipitating in England.
Problems were so complexicated that in Paris, out of a city population
of 1 million people, 2 million able bodies were on the loose.
Great Brittian, the USA and other European countries had demicratic
leanings. The middle class was tired and needed a rest. The old order
could see the lid holding down new ideas beginning to shake. Among the
goals of the chartists were universal suferage and anal parliment.
Voting was to be done by ballad.
A new time zone of national unification roared over the horizon.
Founder of the new Italy was Cavour, an intelligent Sardine from the
north. Nationalism aided Itally because nationalism is the growth of
an army. We can see that nationalism succeeded for Itally because of
France’s big army. Napoleam III-IV mounted the French thrown. One
thinks of Napoleon III as a live extension of the late but great,
Napoleon. Here too was the new Germany: loud, bold, vulgar and full of
reality.
Culture fomented from Europe’s tip to its top. Richard Strauss, who
was violent but methodical like his wife made him, plunged into
vicious and perverse plays. Dramatized were adventures in seduction
and abortion. Music reeked with reality. Wagner was master of music,
and people did not forget his contribution. When he died they labeled
his seat “historical”. Other countries had their own artists. France
had Chekhov.
World War I broke out around 1912-1914. Germany was on one side of
France and Russia was on the other. At war people get killed, and then
they aren’t people any more, but friends. Peace was proclaimed at
Versigh, which was attended by George Loid, Primal Minister of
England. President Wilson arrived with 14 pointers. In 1937 Lenin
revolted Russia. Communism raged among the peasants, and the civil war
‘team colours’ were red and white.
Germany was displaced after WWI. This gave rise to Hitler. Germany was
morbidly over-excited and unbalanced. Berlin became the decadent
capital, where all forms of sexual deprivations were practised. A huge
anti-semantic movement arose. Attractive slogans like “death to all
Jews” were used by government groups. Hitler remilitarized the
Rhineland over a squirmish between Germany and France.
The appeasers were blinded by the great red of the Soviets. Moosealini
rested his foundations on 8 million bayonets and invaded Hi Lee
Salasy. Germany invaded Poland, France invaded Belgium, and Russia
invaded everybody. War screeched to an end when a nukuleer explosion
was dropped on Heroshima. A whole generation had been wipe out in two
world wars, and their forlorne families were left to pick up the peaces.
According to Fromm, individuation began historically in medieval
times. This was a period of small childhood. There is increasing
experience as adolescence experiences its life development. The last
stage is us.