The Perks of Being Over 50

  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  • In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
  • No one expects you to run into a burning building.
  • People call at 9pm and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  • There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
  • Things you buy now won’t wear out.
  • You can eat dinner at 4pm.
  • You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
  • You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
  • You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  • You sing along with the elevator music.
  • Your eyes won’t get much worse.
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  • Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.