TEST TO SEE IF YOU’RE A GRINCH
1. You reuse last year’s Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points)
2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor’s outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points; 10 if neighbor’s whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out)
3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)
4. You put out last year’s stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy; if you also put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa, add 10 points)
5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Wal-Mart, or the local convenience store in a Bloomingdale’s or other prestige store’s box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction)
6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day (5 points; 10 if from a cell phone claiming you are stuck in a phone booth)
7. At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home. (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party)
8. You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own.
(Southern California & Florida only, others ignore: 5 points)
9. After an invitation to a friend’s house, you bring a commercially-produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as homemade. (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year)
10. Taking toys from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins, which is a definite no-no. (20 points)
Evaluate your score on the “Grinch Scale” from 20 to 100:
20-30: You’re just a cheeseball.
30-50: You’re an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted for overdue parking tickets.
50-100: Grinch, move over!