Language

Potato Puns

by pfitz
Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead. How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad. Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commontater. Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop. What ... Read More

Some Pirate Riddles

by pfitz
Why didn’t the pirate get hungry when he was left on a desert island? Because of all the sand which is there! C00008==============> How do pirates know when they are about to be attacked? They watch Sea-span! C00008==============> I don’t know if you’ve heard about this new Pirate corn they’ve got now. I guess it’s ... Read More

An American in London

by pfitz
An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator. The portière looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted. “You must mean the lift,” he said. “No,” the American responded. “If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator.” “Well,” the portière answered, “over here we ... Read More

Halloween Riddles

by pfitz
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ What’s a ghost’s favorite Mother Goose Story? Little Boo Peep ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Booberries ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Why do ... Read More

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

by pfitz
[If you’re having a hard time figuring this one out, try reading it aloud.] Wants pawn term dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage honor itch offer ledge dock florist. Disc ladle gull orphan worry ladle rat cluck wetter putty ladle rat hut, end fur disc raisin pimple cauldron ladle rat ... Read More

Caesar Salad Now Legal

by pfitz
Caesar Salad Now Legal! WASHINGTON, DC — California decriminalized the sale of Caesar salad this week — and it’s not a moment too soon, the Libertarian Party said today. “When you outlaw Caesar salad, only outlaws will eat Caesar salad,” noted the party’s Director of Communications, Bill Winter. “That’s why, on the issue of Caesar ... Read More

Halloween Party

by pfitz
This guy goes to a Halloween party with a girl on his back. “What the heck are you?” asks the host. “I’m a snail,” says the guy. “But… you have a girl on your back,” replies the host. “Yeah, he says, “that’s Michelle!”

Medical Chart Notes

by pfitz
Medical chart notes written by clever people Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She ... Read More

Latin Seizures

by pfitz
Carpe Diem — Seize the Day Carpet Diem — Seize the carpet Carpayment Diem — Seize the checkbook Carpe Duh — Seize an idiot Carp Diem — Fish of the day Crampy Diem — Seize the Midol Carpe Diet — Seize the rice cake Carpal Diem — Seize the knuckles Carpe Dig’Em — Seize the ... Read More

An Important Language Announcement

by pfitz
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be ... Read More