Language

Ironic Banshees

by pfitz
This was taken from the Dilbert Newsletter of August 29, 2003. It’s great for reading out loud to a friend. Ironic Banshees You’ve probably heard the old saying, “She screamed like a banshee.” I didn’t learn much about banshees in school but I deduce that they are dead people who scream loudly. That seems unpleasant ... Read More

What’s in a Name?

by pfitz
So an Indian chief was with his young son, who asked: “Father, how did I get my name?” “Well, my child, when your older brother was born, I looked out of the tepee and saw a flying eagle, so I called him Flying Eagle. When your sister was born, I looked outside and saw a ... Read More

Some Perspective

by pfitz
Here’s something to give you little perspective: Pythagorean Theorem: 24 words The Lord’s Prayer: 66 words Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words The 10 Commandments: 179 words The Gettysburg Address: 286 words The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words

A Cat Tongue-Twister

by pfitz
See if you can do this. Read it out loud, as fast as possible without mistakes. (It’s supposedly one of Dr. Seuss’s lost tongue twisters. Yeah, right!) This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is sucker cat ... Read More

A Language Pfunny

by pfitz
What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual What do you call someone who speaks 3 or more languages? Multilingual What do you call someone who speaks only one language? An American!

Telephone Conversation

by pfitz
Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension). This was nominated “best email of 1997.” The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review. Room Service (RS): “Morny. Ruin sorbees.” Guest (G): “Sorry, I ... Read More

Epitaphs

by pfitz
Actual epitaphs from real tombstones: In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna. Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast Pardon me For not rising. Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the ... Read More

First Grade Proverbs

by pfitz
A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you. [Note: My 2nd grade teacher did the same thing back in the 1970’s and got the results published ... Read More

New Kind of Car

by pfitz
Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. “Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?”one asked. “He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car,” his co-worker replied. “How was he going to do it?” “He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats ... Read More

Go Forth and Multiply

by pfitz
After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the animals to leave, he told the animals to “go forth and multiply.” All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the ark. “Why can’t you go forth and multiply?” demanded Noah. “We can’t,” ... Read More