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Reading on Vacation
“What happened?” asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. “Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of ... Read More
Shopkeepers Competition
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign that read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he ... Read More
French Rabbits
The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old ... Read More
Situation Ethics in Dieting
Cheaters Never Win and Winners Never Cheat But Sometimes on a Diet You GOT to Bend the Rules… “Minimizing Caloric Intake by Situational Combinations” If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t ... Read More
Family Feud Answers
Here are some actual answers from contestants who have appeared on the game show Family Feud. Name something a blind person might use: a sword Name a song with ‘moon’ in the title: blue suede moon Name a bird with a long neck: a penguin Name an occupation where you need a torch: a burglar ... Read More
A Frog Pfunny
A frog walks into a bank and asks the teller, “Who do I talk to about getting a loan?” The teller shows him to the office of the loans manager, Ms. Patricia Black. “I would like a loan of $20 to buy a new lily pad,” the frog tells her. “Do you have any collateral?” ... Read More
Epitaphs
Actual epitaphs from real tombstones: In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna. Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast Pardon me For not rising. Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the ... Read More
Holiday Tips
I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it’s the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. 1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts ... Read More